Few things are as emotionally painful as betrayal. There are ways to deal with the pain of infidelity if you choose to forgive it. Right now, you may not even be able to describe how painful it is for you. It may be that forgiveness doesn’t make much sense now, but there are advantages. There are many good reasons for you to take this extraordinary step, but the most important should be that you’re doing it for yourself. It’s just as important to your own happiness and well-being that you be able to forgive your boyfriend and rebuild the relationship. Don’t misunderstand - forgiving infidelity is something you can do only once in a relationship.  If this is a pattern, or if he repeats his bad behavior, you’ve got to toss him to the curb. If he’s really sincere about rebuilding the relationship, then try these five steps:

Healing Infidelity Tip #1

The first step is to discuss his cheating with him. You’ve got to find out the real reason underlying his betrayal, which is why, no matter how hard it is to talk about, you’ve got to do it. If may be that he was going through one of those soul-searching times, or maybe he thought your feelings for him had diminished. When he gives his account of his actions, don’t be judgmental and accusing.  If he’s sincere, he feels bad enough now, and you probably can’t say anything to him he hasn’t said himself. You’ll be able to judge the depth of his sincerity and remorse during this conversation, which is the other reason you can’t skip it.

Healing Infidelity Tip #2

The second step is to uncork your emotions. There’s a great deal of emotion bottled up inside you now. You need to let your emotions out, but don’t do it in a harmful way. Drugs and alcohol, for instance, are far more likely to harm you than let you deal with your emotions. There are all sorts of ways to express those emotions, though, without risking your physical or mental health in the process. An excellent outlet is to write in a journal.  Another approach is to adopt a regular workout routine. You’ve got to do something, though, to express your emotions - storing them up inside you is decidedly not good for you. Even crying is a good option - as long as you let go of them. You cannot move on - you cannot restore the relationship - if you haven’t healed yourself.

Healing Infidelity Tip #3

The third step is making the actual choice to forgive the affair. At this point, if you haven’t really forgiven him, there’s no point in being in a relationship with your boyfriend. Now’s the time to let the past stay in the past.  You’ve already said you want to forgive him - now’s the time to live up to that determination. Your love for him will give you the strength to forgive him.

Healing Infidelity Tip #4

The fourth step is to spend some time with a psychologist or other mental health professional or adviser. Your relationship needs some professional help, and that means each of you should talk with a counselor. There’s one alternative - talk to a mutual friend, someone you both trust, who’s had personal experience in this sort of thing. You’ll need to pay attention to what he says, too.  You’ll learn from it. You’ve already been all through the recriminations and accusations - now’s the time to listen to each other.  Really. The relationship won’t be saved by either of you, or both of you, working alone.  It can only be restored if you work together.

Healing Infidelity Tip #5

The fifth and final step is to acknowledge that what’s done is done.  Put it behind you and move on. You must both work at healing the pain of infidelity. The pain caused by his cheating isn’t going to be healed overnight, especially for you. If you can let go of the past, though, the healing will come more quickly.

For the sake of your relationship, I certainly hope that the steps I’ve outlined here can help you heal infidelity. It’s certainly true that we all make mistakes - nobody is perfect! When we encounter such bad situations, what’s most important is how we lean and grow from them.